Sweet Sweet Pea
Some things I do not discuss much here, not just because I am a sporadic poster, although that is a lot of the reason, but sometimes it is all I can do to chronicle the things I am making, that is really, what this blog is about. Occasionally, I think that this blog will become some sort of record of my free time, which is not much if you go by how much I post.
Today for the that reason, for the sake of our friend posperity, I am going on record saying that in May I graduated from college. And It was hard. It was hard in the fact that at age 34 I decided that I had had enough of the cloud of regret that has hung over me for over a decade. I needed to go to college. I needed to finish. It was hard in the fact that the other reason I knew I needed to go was to relieve some of the financial strain that we always have, my husband did not go to college either. Our job selection in this case is minimal. At least it is for us. It was hard in the fact that I had four children at home and my youngest(s) were beginning Kindergarten. And it was hard in the fact that I had to still work full time.
I miss it. I graduated. I loved class and the people I went with. In all the things that were hard lie all the things that are great. I am a college graduate. I have a Bachelors degree in Elementary Education with a concentration in Middle School Language Arts. I know what it is like to struggle through school, to fight and to finish. I learned I love middle schoolers as much as first graders and every age in between. My children get it.
Today I am taking my 4th of the 6 tests that I need to become a licensed teacher in the state of Minnesota. I am 40 years old. College took me 6 years and I hate tests. I know what it is like to test poorly but get good grades. I will admit it; I know what it is like to fail. I failed my math test-it is required- I have to pass. I find linear equations very challenging and geometry is a bit above my knowledge base 20+ years out of high school. My education program prepared me to teach, to learn, to care, to be humble, to understand, to analyze, to share my passion but not how to solve quadratic equations. I need to know these.
However, the test today is not about integers, exponents and slope (that is next week). The test today is on Middle School Content, I should have studied all day. I did not. I finished a quilt top. I have studied math for two solid weeks and just felt I needed to relax and refresh. The tests for licensure are new this year. We are some of the first ones taking them while I am not 100% confident, not even close; I am okay to take it twice. I took a pedagogy test in July and did fine so I suppose I am still floating on that hoping that what I know is enough.
So if you happen to read this, if you actually got this far, thank you and think of me and send me good thoughts. There are still many days when I question what I am doing, why I put myself and my family through this and if I will ever be able to get through these tests to do the one thing that I am truly passionate about, the one thing that I know I am good at, will I ever be able- to teach.
***DISCLAIMER since I have admitted that my education and my strong desire to teach please do not judge my grammatical errors- to me writing from the heart allows a person grammatical imperfections.